Nikki & Ericka’s Spell for Conscious Executive Director Relationship Building

a. For LLC this looks like full staff and board commitment to shared leadership in both theory and practice. At LLC, everyone knew we’d signed up for something different, so people didn’t expect the Co-EDs to function as a traditional sole ED. This required the staff and board to allow time for discussion, to sit with some unknowns/uncertainty, and practice patience.

b. Practice: Allocated time and resources to trust and relationship building and collective learning on shared leadership models. LLC engaged in many public and internal conversations over the years preceding the adoption of a shared leadership model and began playing with different approaches.

a. Coaching with Belma Gonzalez in both of my Co-ED relationships helped me to better understand myself as a leader and as Co-ED partner, and created space for each partnership to navigate challenges in a safe space. Reflective practices such journaling and guided visualizations helped me to develop very clear understanding of my vision for the Co-ED relationship. Note: We intentionally sought out Belma because she is experienced in coaching partnerships and teams, not just individual leaders.
b. Practice: Individual and partnership coaching. We get coaching separately and together.

a. As part of the Co-ED recruitment process, the reflection practices Belma encouraged me to adopt ultimately became second nature. At random times I would jot down partnership desires as they arose. When I later shared a compilation of those reflections with Nikki, she joked that I was a witch who had conjured her, so closely did my description of my desires match her.
b. Practice: Frequent goal setting and prioritization of work ahead. We use an ongoing notes document and Monday.com to help us organize our priorities.

a. Saying what we need to be in a conscious relationship with each other. This includes explicitly naming our boundaries, how we want to communicate, e.g. text, phone, email, etc., sharing what’s important to us, e.g. ending meetings on time, and being clear about our pet peeves and points of vulnerability.
b. Practice: 30-minute check-ins early in the week just to check in on how we are and what is going on in our lives. We have longer workspaces later in the week. Workspaces are intentional times to both discuss and complete work tasks.

a. Nikki and I use “Pilot/Co-pilot” as a shorthand to describe our work distribution. This is based on the analogy that a plane has two capable pilots at the wheel, but only one is flying the plane at any given time. The “Pilot” is ultimately responsible for being mindful of an assignment’s direction, strategy, and key tasks. The “Co-Pilot” acts as backup and support. Sometimes one of us is the “Pilot” for an entire project and other times we divvy up piloting responsibilities within a project. Piloting responsibilities are distributed based on the capacity, skills, and importantly, the passions of each Co-ED. We don’t yet have a work distribution where staff only do “fun” work, but more often than not that is the case. LLC’s centering of pleasure, including doing work that is in alignment with our skills and interests and that is simply fun, has been good for all of us. We are more energized, feel more connected and now have more room for innovation, exploration, and creativity.
b. Practice: List out the responsibilities you hold, and try on responsibility distribution tools like MOCHA, RACI, RAPID, or pilot/co-pilot. Explicitly name fun, interest, and/or energy as distribution criteria

a. Knowing our values, or uncovering them together has been part of our process. Nikki and I learned that we both care about liberation for our people, we want our work to contribute to that liberation, and we want the manner of our work to be and feel liberatory.
b. Practice: Getting to know our own “whys” so that we can share them with each other. Coaching, regular check-ins, and in-person team retreats supported this for us. It also happens over time when you create opportunities for practice, so give yourself some patience.

a. Complimentary: Nikki and I like and appreciate each other. We are constantly supporting and authorizing each other and our full team to be great. This has a kind of new thinking multiplier effect. We often recognize the gifts our teammates may not see in themselves, freeing us to grow in new ways. Another thing that is true for LLC is that we are generous with praise and thoughtful about criticism.
b. Complementary: While Nikki and I are two BIPOC women who are able to understand each other and support each other from a place of shared experience with marginalization, we are also different ages/generations and come from different racial and geographic backgrounds; so we have many opportunities to learn from each other. We are surprisingly well-balanced in terms of skills and interests. We share a solid overlapping base of capacities, but we also shine in different ways. For example, there are times when I become a whirlwind of ideation, in these moments Nikki is adept at creating containers that harness those ideas and make it easier to cultivate them. Or when I shift to a “just the facts” mindset, Nikki remembers to bring in whimsy and beauty. What is important to note, is that in this balance we don’t pigeonhole the other, demanding that we can only show up in one way with rigid relationship roles (e.g. Taskmaster versus slacker). Instead, we are responsive to the conditions of the moment and each other’s needs.
c. Practice: Normalize giving feedback, and also keep in mind that studies say the ideal ratio is five praises to one critique. Our team has weekly check-ins for “Ow, Wows, Aha’s, and Appreciations” – where we can bring up big and small accomplishments and opportunities for improvement.

a. To reap the benefits of the Co-ED relationship, I had to be willing to give up rigid holds on power, and share power and space so Nikki could shine, simultaneously, Nikki did the same for me. This sharing requires leaders to do some ego work, releasing some of the attachment you might have to “being the boss.” I used to say for shared leadership to thrive, leaders need to learn to “step back rather than stepping out” to make room for the leadership of others. While this might be accurate, what it felt like in this case was the act of stepping in with Nikki, moving toward Nikki. Instead of me making space or requiring Nikki to take space, we practice sharing space and building power with each other.
b. Practice: Coaching, reflection, journaling, and learning about other teams with shared leadership models are effective ways to do the “inner work” shared leadership demands. We’ve also found it helpful to step back and appreciate the joy and even the “productivity” shared leadership can offer.

a. You have to let this spell simmer; incorporating, understanding, and appreciating the various components takes time. The “flavors” of the Co-ED relationship don’t develop instantaneously.
b. Practice: As you practice learning by doing, we encourage you to build in space for reflection. Retreats, time off, and “no meetings” Fridays are some ways we’ve been working out how to do this work together and in partnership.